Those that have known me the longest know that I’m a musician more than anything else. I started around 12 years old, seriously at 14, was in a rock band from 15-18, studied classical guitar at DePaul University from 18-21, composed and performed music for various stage productions, ran an internet radio station from 19-21, and many other endeavors in-between. Shortly after I started, I got a small analog 4-track recorder, which I set up in a corner of my parents’ basement in High School, and used it for recording demos over the next several years. For me, 14-24 was the heyday of my musical life, and when I was doing the most writing and composing, including rock music in my band, scores for theater shows, and more.

The songwriting I was doing in High School was a particular joy for me. Most of the songs I wrote were recorded and performed alongside my writing partner and his songs in our band. When we broke up at age 18, I continued to write music in that style for a few more years on the side. It was an outlet for various learning experiences I was going through, with inspiration striking me at any time, ranging from my college dorm, friends’ houses, my parents’ house, and so on. Lyrics would be written on bar napkins, in the break room at work, in a lawn chair in my parent’s garage, and so on.

After I turned 21, my life took a left turn, driven by my negative perceptions and experiences in the music industry that I was coveting and pursuing. My interests suddenly turned to filmmaking, which, over the next decade, blossomed into a professional production company, and then an ad agency with several partners (and my full-time career). When I chose this path, my songwriting virtually stopped, limited only to score-composing for my occasional short films. I still had my instruments, and my 4-track recorder from the old basement, and every apartment I lived in had a “music room” as a permanent back-burner idea in my mind: having my own recording space to do with as I will. My current apartment has such a room, though incomplete and unutilized.

As my media company grew larger over the years, my creative musical endeavors grew fewer and smaller. Though I haven’t done any actual songwriting in over 10 years, to this day, I still have that small catalogue of original music written from age 18-24 that is nowhere in the world except in my head and a small notebook.

Earlier this year, my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer. In her last weeks in hospice, I spent the weekends there and often brought my guitar to play for her (mainly gentle classical music from my college days.) After she passed away, I was one day looking through my little music notebook, and realized that she would have loved to have heard this material had she been given a chance.

So I set out to complete my in-home studio to a “useable” place (closing technological gaps with limited funds,) and start recording some of this old catalog. These eight songs were the most complete, and represent the first part of this process.

All of these songs have been rattling around in my head for so long, up to 18 years in some cases. “The Game” (1996) is the oldest of them, the music of which was written sitting on my neighbor Mike’s bed in the dormitory, while a party was going on in my room next door. The bulk of them were written between 1996 and 2002, with only one exception. “Do What I Say” (2004) was written as a college assignment: to write a “60s-era social movement” type of song. In 2004, we had invaded Iraq the year before, and the 9/11 fear mentality was still potent. So my social movement subject was President George W. Bush; now that I think about it, 10 years later, this song is probably more about Dick Cheney.

10 years after I stopped my musical composing, this material is still with me all the time. I was upset when I realized that my mother would never hear these songs, so I’m happy to have finally gotten some of them out of my head and recorded, sounding as they have in my head as best I can make them with my current resources. This is a deeply personal project for me, and represents the opening of my soul for a glimpse. I’m glad to have the opportunity to share it with anyone interested in hearing it.